Jenn Swagar, MSC, BSC.
Why Parents Need to Step Back from Their Kid’s Sport
In today’s youth sports world, parents are more involved than ever. They attend every game, track every stat, and sometimes even try to control their child’s athletic journey. But here’s the hard truth: Too much parental involvement does more harm than good.
Sports should be an opportunity for kids to learn, grow, and develop independence—but that becomes impossible when parents take over.
There are many reasons why parents should step back and leave their kids to play and manage their own sport experience.
1. Sports Are for the Kids, Not the Parents
It sounds obvious, but too many parents forget this. They treat their child’s sport like their own personal competition, they begin to live through their kid’s success and feeling embarrassed by their struggles.
This is a problem when parents become too invested, the pressure on kids skyrockets and these parents become obsessed with their kid’s performance. Instead of enjoying the game, and watching their kids enjoy the game, this behaviour becomes overbearing and toxic and makes the kid feel like they are playing to avoid disappointing their parents.
The fix is quite simple, let your child own their experience. It’s their sport, their journey, their lessons to learn. Step back and support their choices, their wins and their losses. Give a high five and a hug, be positive and ask before you give coaching input.
2. Overinvolvement Kills Passion
When kids feel like they’re playing for their parents instead of themselves, they lose the joy of the game. They begin to feel invisible, and a sense of uselessness can become overwhelming. These parents do most of the taking and the kids really end up without a voice.
The overbearing parent: Constantly critiques their child’s performance, pushes extra training, and talks about the sport 24/7. They are a second coach, even if they have had very little to no experience coaching. They bring everything back to sport, they are critical about nutrition, sleep and other pleasures that young people should be experiencing.
The supportive parent: Encourages effort, allows their child to process success and failure on their own, and keeps a healthy balance. A supportive parent does not make excuses for their child, but they do not put rules on their praise. They are positive and supportive and encourage balance and open communication.
The Problem: kids who feel forced into sports burn out quickly. The love for the game is replaced by resentment and stress. Constantly striving for something they feel is not something they wanted in the first place.
The Fix: Support them but let them set their own level of commitment and goals. Be open and honest with them but do not project your desires on to them. Not every athlete has to be the next best or make it to the next level. Playing the sport for the love of the sport is a beautiful thing.
3. It Undermines Coaches & the Learning Process
Too often, parents believe they know more than the coach. They question decisions, demand more playing time, and even challenge team strategies. They destroy culture and make it impossible to remove their kid from the team.
The Problem: This sends a message to kids that if they don’t like something, they don’t have to listen, work harder, or improve—they can just have their parent fix it for them. Often kids are not even aware of what their parents are saying and doing.
The Fix: Leave the coaching to the coaches. Even if you disagree, teach your child to handle adversity rather than stepping in to control the situation. If your child comes to you with a problem, teach them to handle it with respect and honesty. Tell them to advocate for themselves by talking to the coaches and being clear with teammates.
4. Failure is Part of the Game (and of Life)
Many parents try to shield their child from struggle:
- They complain when their kid doesn’t start.
- They switch teams if their child faces challenges.
- They step in at the first sign of discomfort.
The Problem: If kids never learn how to handle failure, rejection, and adversity, they won’t develop the resilience they need in sports—or life. Stepping in also shows the kid that you do not believe they are capable of handling things themselves.
The Fix: Instead of protecting them, teach them to work through setbacks. Failure builds character. It is often a difficult lesson and can take time to settle but when we step back and allow them to feel what they feel and encourage them to persevere they usually bounce back quite well.
5. It Damages the Parent-Child Relationship
One of the saddest things about overinvolvement in sports? It ruins relationships
Kids start to avoid their parents because they don’t want to talk about the game.
Car rides home become stressful instead of enjoyable.
Parents become more like “managers” than parents.
A Simple Rule: If your child doesn’t want to talk about the game, don’t bring it up. Let them come to you when they’re ready. Listen and support instead of interjecting and controlling.
What Parents SHOULD Do Instead
Support, but don’t control. Let your child lead their own sports journey.
Let the coaches do their job. If your child has a problem, teach them to communicate with the coach themselves.
Encourage effort, not just results. Praise their work ethic, not just their performance.
Make sure sports don’t define them. Remind them that their value isn’t tied to wins and losses.
Enjoy watching, but don’t analyze. Be their biggest fan, not their personal scout. Don’t go to every practice and every event. Allow your child to build their own identity.
Final Thoughts
Parents want the best for their kids, but sometimes the best thing they can do is step back. Sports should be a place of growth, independence, and joy—not stress, pressure, and constant parental interference.
If you truly want your child to succeed in sports (and in life), give them the freedom to fail, struggle, and ultimately grow on their own. They will make mistakes, but they are theirs to make, and they will own the consequences. Encourage them to communicate with their teammates and coaches and to embrace sportsmanship not gamesmanship.
